How to be “Mr. or Mrs. Right” - The Institute of Human Understanding

Consistency and authenticity breeds trust. We as humans tend to gravitate to those who are a lot like us. Think of the friends you have. Chances are they possess characteristics in which you like, which may explain why you enjoy being around them. As Robert Cialdini stated in his book, Influence: “Consequently, those who want us to like them so that we will comply with them can accomplish that purpose by appearing similar to us in a wide variety of ways.”

People want to be with people that they feel enhance their lives and see value in. We avoid hanging out with people who drag or bore us down at all costs.

In the dating scene this is more evident than ever. The key is to find out how to be the “right” guy/girl. There is a quote which could be the easiest way for you to become and understand how to become “Mr./Mrs. Right.” The quote is, “You can’t be the answer to someone’s prayers until you know what they are praying for.” This quote is short though very insightful.

When a job interview takes place, the best way to “wow” the interviewer is to ask questions and do research in which you can cater responses to what the interviewer “wants to hear”. Asking the interviewer what they are looking for can yield answers such as, “I want someone who answers their phone.”, “I need someone who is internet savvy.”, “I must have someone who thinks outside of the box and is hungry.” From their answers a good interviewee would respond, “I am easily accessible and have my phone with me at all times. I am very proactive with internet use. I am an outside the box type of thinker and am hungry. I am motivated to do the best job possible for you.” Since you knew exactly what they want, you can be exactly what they wanted and be the “right” guy/girl! This can apply to all aspects of your life, personally and professionally.

Now apply this to dating: when you speak to a prospect (girl/guy) identify her likes and dislikes. Cater to their likes. If they are adventurous, play up your adventurous side and experiences, such as the time you went whitewater rafting. If they loves sports, casually mention a time in which you attended a great game. Don’t be afraid to go in detail reflecting on these experiences as she will instantly feel more of a connection to you. Furthermore she will be sitting on the edge of her seat becoming more enamored with each word that comes out of your mouth. It’s okay to over embellish the story too! This helps to make the story more exciting and keeps their interest!

The details are what separate Mr./Mrs. Wrong and Mr./Mrs. Right. Be sure to pay attention, as it is equally as important to not be Mr./Mrs. Wrong as it is to be Mr./Mrs. Right.

It is much more of a challenge to figure out what a person likes than what they dislike. Humans tend to identify their dislikes more quickly and convincingly than their likes subconsciously. For example, if I were to ask you what you don’t like about your job, chances are you could rattle off a list quickly. In contrast, identifying items you like about your job may take more time. The reason it may take more time to identify what you like is because the mind internalizes what one dislikes faster than what one likes. Furthermore, any acknowledgement of liking something is a much greater commitment to your internal thought process and mind.

I’m sure you have been in a situation in which you have experienced someone state exactly what they do not want. This could be regarding hanging out with a person of the opposite sex, a vacation, plans for the day or what they don’t want to drink. The reality is they know what they want, they just need direction. One common sales technique used is the dialogue, “I know you don’t know what you want, but if you did know, what would it be?” This sends a message to the brain of the person being asked requesting a clear answer to their wants.

You would be amazed by how many people can answer this question. The irony is the question is essentially reframing the question they couldn’t answer to begin with, asking them what they want! You just have to approach the process backwards to get them to identify their answer clearly. Once you have the answer, you can then implement the knowledge to be the “right guy/girl.”

Below is an article on nine body language tricks to being attractive. These play hand in hand to separate yourself as “Mr. Right.”

Nine Body-Language Tricks to Being Attractive

By: Dustin Goot is a freelance writer based in New York City. Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

Psst… want the inside scoop on how to suss out if someone has a crush on you, breed some feel-good vibes on a date, or even figure out whether that cute person sitting across from you is dying for a kiss? Believe it or not, the answers to all these questions and more can be found in the mysterious science of body language. Allan Pease, author of The Definitive Book of Body Language, has been studying the messages people send with their eyes, hands, posture, and more for years. Below, we’ve asked him to answer some of the most common questions that trip people up in the dating game. Trust us, this info will come in handy.

1. Appear confident on a date even if you’re nervous inside. People who project confidence stand erect — shoulders up, chest out. Confident people also walk slightly more quickly than average, taking medium to long strides and swinging their arms slightly like they’re in a march. A subtler thing is not to blink very often. The average blinking rate is 8 to 16 blinks per minute. If you slow yours to four, you give the impression you’re cool and in control.

2. Show someone you’re interested. With people we like and admire, we mirror their body behavior. If the date goes well, mirroring is something you’ll do naturally, but you can also intentionally mirror the other person’s gestures and posture. It may feel weird, but the other person will just think you’re getting along really well.

3. Recognize the signals that indicate someone is interested in you. Look for preening signals. Preening is what animals do to make themselves more attractive. In humans, some basic examples would be arranging your clothes, touching your hair, or stroking your arm. These signs may seem obvious, but people miss them all the time in a dating situation, especially men.

4. Avoid signals that turn people off. In studies, if a speaker crosses his or her arms, the audience recalls 40 percent less of what the person says and has a more negative attitude toward the individual speaking. They can’t even say why; they’ll just say they had a bad feeling. Also avoid any scratching or touching of the face. When you hide your face, we feel like we don’t know you, and we don’t think you’re telling the truth.

5. A woman should smile and maintain eye contact to catch a guy’s attention. It goes back to the preening signals I talked about earlier. She might twirl her hair or touch her thigh. The thing I tell women is that you can’t be too obvious. Subtlety is lost on men. When a woman wants to pick up a guy sitting across the table, often she’ll lift up her eyes and gaze at him, then look away. Women think it’s an obvious sign, but men think she’s not interested because she looks away. On the other hand, if a woman holds a guy’s gaze and gives him a big, perky smile, then he gets it.

6. A confident man will catch a woman’s attention. When it comes to body signals, men don’t have a great range of options because in traditional courtship, women give the green lights and men make the approach. The best thing a guy can do is dress right, look confident in the ways I’ve mentioned and keep an eye out for a woman’s “green light” gestures.

7. Be careful when initiating casual physical contact; you don’t want to look desperate or clumsy. Men should brush the point of a woman’s elbow while they’re talking. Just give it a light touch, not a grab or a squeeze. Leave it there for no more than three seconds. She’ll be aware of it and her response will tell you how she feels. If she’s not enjoying the date, it will feel like you’re touching an electric wire. Women, on the other hand, should target a man’s hand and lower arm to capture his attention.

8. Keep your hands busy so you don’t fidget during the date. The best resting posture is anything with your palms vertical or facing up. Turning your palms down looks pushy or arrogant. Don’t hold hands with yourself or interlock your fingers; that means you’re reassuring yourself because you’re not confident. When you gesture, keep your hands below your chin and keep your fingers together. People who are nervous spread their fingers really wide.

9. Learn to harness some control over your own body language through role play. We actually recommend that people take home videos and role-play situations with friends. A lot of people don’t even know what they’re doing until I show them on film. Once you see what your habits are, you can make a determined decision to unlearn or improve them.