How do you become who you are?
- Most people are a product of their environment – meaning their beliefs, work ethics and moral compass is shaped by those they are surrounded by and encounter on a daily basis.
- Opportunity – those who are put in a position to be exposed to a better life can be successful, though doesn’t translate to success based on exposure alone. Far too often it is stated that you have to be in the best position available for success, which is simply not true. There are instances after instances in which humans defy odds. Those that do defy the odds identify the opportunity in the struggle. Opportunity is everywhere, you just have to be on the lookout for it.
- Guidance – this can come from a boss, sibling, parent, grandparent, teacher, coach, friend, etc. The most important factors in guidance is how it can shape who you ultimately become through expectations and accountability.
- Drive – the force in which a person is determined. This can range from a nicer possession to a different lifestyle. The drive is behind the work, strategy and discipline required.
Why do people change?
- Frustration – fed up with their current struggles and dreary situations they find themselves in.
- Envy – perhaps the most powerful, the seldom considered. Seeing someone else succeed or have a life or something one may desire creates motivation with the right mindset.
- Purpose – becoming fixated with the notion they can have better through focus, hard work and discipline. The end result becomes their purpose.
- Progress – desire a better life for themselves and others through continual improvement. Progress leads to their ultimate goal.
- Betterment– becoming a better worker, friend, confidant and person on a continual basis – day by day, relationship by relationship, action by action
How do people change?
- Gradual change- not willing to accept a change in behavior or thought immediately as not convinced with the benefit and or reasoning yet.
- Breaking point – they have had enough and at this moment they decide a change is a necessity.
- Instant change – an overwhelming display demonstrates their previous thought or behavior is not matching the display witnessed.Immediate change takes place in the moment.
Failures of parenting with good intentions
- Parents want their kids to have a better life than they did, so they attempt to protect them by:
- Being hurt
- Experiencing difficulty
- Limiting frustrations
- Avoiding struggles
- Focusing on school, therefore not having a job
- Financial welfare given with good intentions:
- Spending Cash– from movies and food to buying luxury goods
- Credit cards – shopping, lack of tracking, free reign
- Vehicle – from the purchase to the necessary maintenance
- Car Insurance – paid on a renewable balance, typically month to month
- Vacations – exposing them to a different type of life, can be positive – if disciplined
- Designer Clothes – showcasing a consumer good which they are unable to afford alone and setting unrealistic expectations
How this hurts them
Hurt, difficulties, frustration and disappointments are a part of life. Everyone experiences each of these many times throughout their life. The more insulated one is, the worst will handle these challenges. This directly impacts how one handles situations as an adult. Exposing kids at a younger age to being hurt, experiencing difficulties, frustration and struggles will make them stronger. This will also lead them to become more diligent in efforts to improve their circumstances, resourceful, strategic, and ultimately non-dependent adults (also known as self-reliant). If one is not allowed to go through these natural life experiences, they will be overwhelmed and unable to sort through most of life’s issues and challenges as a result of lack of experience and strength to survive. This is a failure of parenting and a disservice to them. Schoolwork is important, though a job helps in a number of ways: appreciate the value of money, handwork, accountability, taxes, working with others in a work environment, customer service, and can directly impact their understanding as to the importance of developing a skill or getting a good education. Additionally, it will help them appreciate the help they receive from their parents. *Remember struggling is a part of life and will have short term frustration, though lead to long term reflection and gratitude. Once one understands how to address and work through difficulty and adversity the future experiences encountering such will be easier for them to navigate through successfully.
Successes in parenting though a struggle
- You understand the journey is what played a major role in shaping your character and future.
- You are to be respected at all times – both in language and in actions.
- You are to be appreciated – for everyday necessities to items of luxury.
- It is to be understood nothing is owed to them other than being their parental figure who loves them.
What is most fond to reflect upon for the vast majority of people is the struggle. This reason is they appreciated the little things in life more. At that time they took risks, had little money, very little in terms of possessions and lived a far simpler life. Despite all of this, most would account that this time period was among the best of their lives. If you observe them talking in reference to this time period, they can’t help but to show a smile in reflection. You are doing your friends, family, co-workers and children a disservice by not allowing them to grow through experience. It is detrimental to their future by shielding them from reality. It is okay to be there as a safety net, it is not beneficial to let them know you will be their safety net. There’s joy in the struggle.